HIGH TENSION

[S H O C K S] 20/25

With a name like High Tension it better have at least a few shocks otherwise there are a bunch of lying liars running around naming movies. I was shocked quite a few times by this movie. Shocked that it was dubbed badly in English, shocked that they switched halfway through the movie from dub to sub, and shocked that I still kind of enjoyed it even though they did both. That’s not all that was shocking about this movie though. There is the completely unpredictable ending that almost ruined the entire movie for me. I won't tell but if you've seen any Asian horror movies recently I can almost guarantee you've seen this ending in more than half of those. Also when the bad French killer masturbates into a dead girls skull, that was pretty shocking, sorta awesome in a sick way though.

[A N T A G O N I S T] 17/25

OOOoooOOOO [don’t you hate that?] Who exactly is the antagonist? Well I won’t give it all away though I suppose my cryptic wording will anyway. The antagonist is scary. I mean really really awesomely scary. Why? Well because he’s your next-door neighbor, he’s the guy that fixes your refrigerator or your toilet. He seems like every blue-collar creepy guy you’ve ever let into your house and given a glass of tea. DON’T DO IT!!! GET HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!! Except he’s French and somehow that makes him even scarier. At least to me, because French people freak me out. I think its all the crusty bread and 600 types of cheeses. I love it but it’s still scary. Then all your assumptions are turned upside down and everything goes wonky and oh my god what the hell do you mean [deleted due to spoilers].

[S C A R I N E S S] 15/25

It had quite a few scary moments; I jumped a couple of times for sure. It had some of the staple horror movie elements but I’d consider it more psychological [foreshadowing? Maybe] than true horror. There were those times that you thank God you don’t live in the country and you want to scream at the characters to move their fat asses along because someone is going to take a circular saw to their foreheads. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, movies are just scarier in other languages, even if they are switching from sub to dub like a kitschy kung fu movie [see: The Flying Guillotine].

[E N J O Y M E N T] 20/25

I sat there watching this girl Marie evade the killa, thinking this has got to be the smartest girl ever written in a horror movie. Usually everyone is mildly retarded and makes stupid mistakes. I even thought about switching teams just in case I ever found myself in a seriously fucked situation, not that I would because I’m not nearly skinny or hot enough to ever get killed by a madman. I did like it. I swear! I might buy it if the DVD has it all in French and none of this pussy English crap. Especially when the people look so obviously French it makes my skin crawl to hear an American accent. I want the soundtrack desperately. That is not to say I didn’t dislike a lot about this film. There are some continuity issues, that don’t add up once the film is over. Up until you find out the twist it’s just filled with some great moments. So should you see it, sure especially if you like watching girls kick ass and watching people die in moderately gross ways. L'extrémité. Allez voient le film si vous osez.

[E X T R A - C R E D I T] 33

+10 points for the awesome kick ass Lesbian

+8 for the girly masturbation scene

+20 for the awesome soundtrack

-15 for the continuity issues, I still need closure on this and I’m taking it out on the movie through the points

+10 because that French dude totally boofed a decapitated head.